I DO NOT CARE!

I desperately hope that all of you have seen Remember the Titans and are pictureing the scene where Cheryl is telling Nicky all about the game and Nicky has to pull her back to reality and tell her "I DO NOT CARE!" that has nothing to do with anything really.
Unfortunately, this has been my mentality for the past couple of weeks. I simply want to have fun, to live without consequence I want to run around telling everyone I DO NOT CARE! Seriously there are roughly three weeks of school left before I graduate and move home, where I will spend roughly three months before moving to Africa. It would stand to reason then, that what I do in the next few weeks or months will be soon forgotten when I leave.
As much I as want for this to be true I know that it is so very far from the truth. I have learned over the past years that things will be remembered. There simply is no living without consequence. The rational part of me knows that this is good... better than simply running wily nilly around, but there is just a part of me that wants to be free from thinking about and analyzing every move I make and every word I say. Again, I realize that this is dumb and that I cannot live in this way. I am not certain what happened or when in happened but I suppose now I need someone shouting at me pulling me back to reality saying YOU HAVE TO CARE! I am so incredibly blessed to have such wonderful friends here at school who are very willing to do this for me everyday. Whether that be literally shouting at me or just a glance that says more than words ever could. I am glad to have friends going through the same things who I am able to process with and gain wisdom from. God is so magnificent, so faithful to provide everything and everyone I could every need in my life.
I was very worried at the beginning of this semester that I would be not being able to "live where I am at" that I would be so consumed with moving that I would be unable to maintain relationships well and I would be come a recluse of sorts. I am afraid that in some strange way just the opposite has happened I have worked very hard to build relationships and pour into people that I may never see again. This has been a beautiful semester of learning and growing good things have happened, but everyday is a fight to care, to not become a tool for Satan, to not give into fleshly desires.
I think some of this may simply be a way of not having to think of all of the terrifying changes that are about to occur in my life. Graduating means leaving a home and family that I have know for the last four years, moving halfway across the world... well I think we can all imagine what that means. So I guess in some crazy (and we all know I am crazy), in some crazy way simply not caring means not having to think about all those things not having to process through what is next. I have never been really good with change... and I think, looking back, that to some degree this is how I usually handle it. I guess this time it has just been more defined, more present in my everyday life. I can't say that it has all been bad, like I said I have made some great friends and really been able to open up to people that I may not have before. I have learned even more, once again, in a different way that I have to lean of God for all of my strength. Sometimes I really wish those things would just stick.... why can I not remember things like that... mmm
So there you have it, a very raw, very honest look into my life.

I really am going to Africa

and so I have started a new blog so that you can follow my adventures there! The title is still in the works but you can find it at http://alyinmalawi.blogspot.com/ HOORAY!

Here we go again...

Once again I have been reminded of a lesson that I have learned many times. I hope that one day this will stick with me and I will no longer have to continue to forget it and learn it over and over and over... life is just much better when I can remember the important things. Anyway. I have been reminded that the attitude I take into something will greatly the effect the outcome. For example, my beautiful roommates and I went to passion over the break which was absolutely amazing. I have come away from those four days with an fresh look on life and the what is most important. Sometimes I just find myself getting really excited about the things that we talked about at Passion and the things that I am still learning weeks later. There is always some fear that after an event such as Passion the "high" eventually wears off and things are pretty much back to normal. But, I believe that this was a completely different type of experience and the fruit of that will be seen for a very long time.
I've also been extremely excited about so many things in my life coming together. So many different aspects of my life and people in my life are putting forth the same challenges and everyone seems to be on the same page about tons of different things. This is just another reminder for me that my God is bigger than what I see here and He puts people in a place and time for a reason.
mmm.... In other news Africa is still in the works, waiting for our "official" acceptance and working on have patience in that. For now I'm just trying to live my life where God has put me for now, to love people and glorify God in everything that I do.

SO long for now. :)

Aly in Africa?!!

This my dear friends is shaping up to be an extremely true statement, and I am thoroughly excited about it! I believe that for many of you this will be a rather shocking statement... don't worry it was for me too, but as I tell you this story you may find that there is no way that our fantastic God is not putting this together.

I suppose this all started when Lauren, a girl from my church serving in Tanzania, came and spoke at church about what she was doing there. Later that same week she showed up at small group, and shared in more detail what she was doing in Tanzania and what God was teaching her through that. During these times that she spoke I felt God clearly calling me to go and do something in Africa.... I think we all know that I ignored this. Fortunately, about this same time Ogles, you can read about her here: http://allisoninmalawi.blogspot.com/, was really sensing that God was calling her to work in Africa as well. So it was rather hard to ignore God telling me to do something when someone so close to me is constantly talking about if .For this, I am grateful. At some point in all of this I began to really pray about what serving in Africa would look like for me and how that would happen.

One evening we ran into the Kyser family at wal-mart and they started telling us all about their plans to move to Malawi and how God had called them there. Personally, I was excited and ready to go... I like to believe i hid this well, but others may have a different story so... yeah. So about a week later Ogles came home from the Open house she had been to at the Kyser's at crawled into my bed and started telling me all about ABC, which you can read all about here http://africanbiblecolleges.org/, and her plans to go... After what I think was at least an hour, if not two...I finally said well Ogles I've been praying about going to Africa... and I told her that my devotion early that week had been about Jesus sending his disciples out in pairs to serve together. At this point I was still just praying and looking into ABC. However, I was out one afternoon picking up a book my mom asked me to bring home and I was just browsing the store when I came across a collection of C. S. Lewis' books all bound in one book... I picked it up and thumbed through it and said to myself, "this will be really convenient for when I go to Africa." I then book the book down and left the store immediately.

Over Thanksgiving I continued to look into ABC, and I talked my mom and let her know that I was seriously considering moving to Malawi to work with ABC after I graduated college... and that was about it. When we went back to school everything really started falling into place. Ogles and I were able to have dinner with Jan Harper who is wonderful and works for ABC. Another girl that is currently serving with ABC came to eat with us as well. It was a wonderful evening of being able to ask questions and simply learn more about what we would be doing and how that would work.

This is my favorite story to date... Ogles and I had been out with Max finishing up some Christmas shopping at Barnes and Noble when we came across the Nook... and after looking at it for a while we we decided that should we go to Malawi we should invest in a Nook, because books are simply impractical in Africa. Later that evening we were talking to Ammie about our plans to get a Nook. Ammie went to class the next day and a girl in her class had just purchased a Nook and was telling them all how wonderful it was. Ammie told them that Ogles and I were thinking about getting one for when we moved to Africa. Another woman in her class asked her if we were planning to missionaries there and if it would be possible for her Sunday school class to purchase the Nook for us as a mission project. Ammie told her that she could get in touch with us and figure out more about it. That was on a Monday. The following Wednesday the woman handed Ammie an envelope with $277 in it for Ogles and I to get a Nook! Oh my STARS! What a wonderful reminder of the promise of God's provision in everything that we do! I am so excited about how God is growing and teaching me.

To bring everyone up to speed I have sent in my application and believe that all of my references have been turned in as well. Everything seems to be falling into place and I am simply waiting for official confirmation from ABC. There is still much support raising and preparing to be done, but for now I would greatly appreciate your continued prayers as God leads me down this journey.

Fresh Perspective

For some reason being home always allows me to look at things from a different point of view. Maybe its the fact that I just have time to actually think, or maybe it's being able to step outside of all the things that are happening and simply think about them, or maybe its a combination of the two. Most likely the third option. I am so incredibly excited about being home, sometimes I just stop and look around to make sure that I really am home and its not just all a dream. It seems like the past semester flew by before I could even stop and enjoy it. I mean don't get me wrong we had some good times and did some really exciting things. I learned A LOT about myself and the people I love dearly. But mostly I learned things about myself which is weird because I went into the semester thinking I already knew a lot about myself and that I needed to be focusing on what I was going to do with my life. Apparently that wasn't the case. However, I am thrilled at what the end of the semester has looked like and I am extremely excited about refueling over the break and then heading back to finish out the year.

This semester has given me the opportunity to figure out what I really think is important and what I want to spend my time doing. I have realized that people are more important to me that activities or things or many other things in life. I'm not certain that I didn't know this before, but I think now I am more willing and able to put this belief into practice. I have also learned that there are somethings in life that I will never be able to change. While I'm am still not happy about this, it has made many aspects of my life much easier. I have also realized that you can't make everyone happy, there will be times in life when someone will be upset, and they maybe upset for a very long time. This has probably been the hardest lesson to learn. I've spent a large portion of my life being the peace keeper in most things and relationships in my life. But, sometimes having peace is not always the best answer? mmmh... I'm still not too sure about this. But not everyone will be happy all the time, I'll work on that.
....

All of that being said I have a few goals for the break...
First and foremost I am trying very hard to remove several words/phrases from my vocabulary... "I feel like..." is the first one to go. "Moron" "idiot" and other things like that also must go.

The second thing I am trying very hard to do is think very carefully about what I say... I'm not sure what this might really mean... I don't know that its fair to say that I will only say exactly what I mean because jokes and sarcasm are a large part of my personality and I don't think it's fair for people to expect me to not joke, but I'm still praying about this and making sure my motives aren't selfish.

For now these are the two big ones, I am certain there are plenty more things I could work on but I think that resolving these two big ones will help in many many areas of my life!

Much to the aggravation of many this post does not contain certain BIG information about my life. Sorry kids, the next one I promise!

Still absolutely amazed...

So i'm certain I have said all of this before, but its still just really apparent to be that God is working here. I have seen and felt God change my attitude, my perspective, and just really work in real ways in my life all semester, and ESPECIALLY in the last few week. AND! not only do I see Him working in me I see Him in my friends, in people that I don't know very well, in situations where the only ting that could save them from insanity is God. For the first time... pretty much ever I am not running from school as fast as I can in an effort to not eat everyone around me. I'm a little worried about what will happen when I go home and realize that not everyone has been living in the same Spirit filled environment. I know, thanks to reminders from a few beautiful people, that God will work while I'm at home and I'll be home for a reason. However this doesn't change the fact that leaving this will still be hard. Don't get me wrong this is definitely a MUCH needed break. School is hard! relationships are stressful, living each and everyday is sometimes a challenge. But in the end, its all completely 100% worth it!!! *sigh* Praise the Lord for working in me even in the tough times, and showing me that the tough times are often the most rewarding, and the times we learn to grow and stand firm in our faith. I have seen that God will provide for me in the big ways and the small... *sigh*

IN other news... ITS CHRISTMAS!!! I am so so so ready for everything that this entails! Christmas is a beautiful time of year, and we should relish in it more than we do. My God is big, my God made a HUGE sacrifice for me. Why in the world would I not be excited about celebrating the beautiful and perfect gift that the baby Jesus was for me? WHY would I not want to share this joy with everyone I know in whatever way I can, WHY would I not take advantage of the mood and spirit of people all around me who excited and open to what Christmas really means! Why? Christmas Scrooges will not last long at my Christmas.

"1 When the LORD restored the fortunes of[a] Zion,
we were like those who dreamed.[b]
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
3 The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:1-3

"1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register. 4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. 8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” 15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” 16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. 21 On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived." Luke 2:1-21

EXCITEMENT!

So many things in my life are incredibly exciting right now! A few of them I am not quite ready to share, but keep your eyes open for exciting things to come. Other things however, are just too too fantastic to keep to myself. For example, MY GOD IS GREAT! I'm pretty sure that I say something along these lines several thousand times a day, but I mean it with everything I have in me and the inability to express just how I feel is, at times, extremely overwhelming. This semester has be crazy, a whirlwind of emotions and activities. I have been able to meet some of the most incredible people this semester, all of them are lovely and beautiful and I have been so incredibly blessed to have them in my life. Its also CHRISTMAS!!! Seriously, it just really doesn't get much better than that! Christmas means so many beautiful things. The excitement is overwhelming!!! The mere fact that MY magnificent God gave up is precious Son, so that HE would be my SAVIOR!!!! Lets just be honest kids NOTHING beats that! Ahhh! The last thing I will torture you all with is the fact that WE ARE GOING TO PASSION!! 16pazzillion college students gathered in one city for three day all for the purpose of worshiping and praising the name of precious savior! WOW.!. That is incredible! I canNOT wait. ON top of that I get to go with two of the greatest people on the planet, BERKELL AND OGLES!!!! I am so looking forward to spending the week with these beautiful women praising our precious savior! oh MY goodNESS!!! THIS IS BRILLIANT AND MAGNIFICENT AND SPECTACULAR AND AMAZING AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDD This isn't even the best part!!!! lfajfl;jglkjasgjoaigja;lkdgjlalnldkgjlasdghlakdnblanblkasndblnfsbl;kahsdgoihas;dlgkasld;kgha;sghl;skdgjh;lkasfgl;aksdjgl;kasjg;laksdjg;lkasdjg;lkasjgdj aslkgnjasfg


27Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God"?
28Have you not known? Have you not heard?The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

brilliant.